So, anyway, back to the music (and being offended).  To date, I have typically tuned-out most of the songs that play repeatedly for the 24 days of December shopping (except of course, rockin’ out to the Charlie Brown Christmas theme).  While working the other day, the words to one song struck me as quite shocking in a family-friendly shopping environment… “I’m gonna pop pop Santa Clause…”  WHAT?  Really?  This child singing wants to shoot Santa?  What the hell’s up with that?  OK, so after looking up the lyrics to this old Brenda Lee song, the child is gonna lasso Santa (and shoot him with her pop gun and squirt gun) in order to take his toys and give them to children who don’t have any.  Nice gesture, but violence only begets violence.  (Karma, baby… karma).  I soon realized that this was only the beginning. 

We have a woman wanting to seduce Santa in “Santa Baby”.  We have either the ultimate in holiday infidelity or the crushing of the Santa myth for a child in “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause”.  And the biggie, the date-rape drug song… “Baby It’s Cold Outside”.  Pish posh you say.  Well, take a listen to those lyrics again as he’s trying to get her to stay the night and she is resisting.  Then she asks “What’s in this drink?” He persists a little further, and she says yes.  Hmmmmm……

To top it off, I heard a brand new song this evening (new to me anyway), “Bad Little Boy”.  Check out these lyrics:

“Looks like a merry Christmas for everyone – but me
‘Cause I ain’t gettin’ nothin’ this Christmas
Not even one little toy
They say I ain’t gettin’ nothin’ at all this Christmas
’cause I’ve been a bad little boy”

Now we’ve resorted to bribing the children to behave or no presents.  Granted, the rest of the lyrics detail just how bad he’s been (putting his pet gerbil into his sister’s bassinett and using his brother’s model rocket set to make an astronaut out of the neighbor’s cat), but hey, we were all kids once!  Let he who has never taken the riding mower for a joyride cast the first stone.

So Christmas, Kwanzaa, Yule, Hanukkah… whatever winter holiday you celebrate makes no difference.  Have fun, enjoy the season, and by all means watch out for those creepy subliminal messages piped over the speakers in every shopping mall in the guise of holiday cheer.

What happened to throwing a dart at a map to decide where to live?

What happened to driving cross-country with two cats and a ferret roaming free in the car?

What happened to cooking noodles over a propane stove in a dark apartment after the ’89 Loma Prieta quake and getting the news via phone from friends in NY?

Suddenly in life something happens and we forget who we are.  WTF?  Why would we trade freedom for a virtual life?  Why would we allow others to dictate who we are?  I still don’t know the answers to those questions…my best guess is alien abduction, because I know I couldn’t have been that stupid.  Then again…walking through MUNI tunnels at night dodging trains wasn’t really all that bright.  Hmmm….

So what happens?  How do we suddenly lose ourselves?  Looking back it seemed to be so sudden, but maybe while it was happening it was more gradual.  It sort of sneaks up on you like those first few gray hairs.  Well, if you’re reading this looking for answers, sorry, I have none for you.  I don’t know how it happens or even why it happens.  It just does.  One small decision after another.  Decisions that I knew didn’t feel quite right, but in the grand scheme of things, couldn’t possibly affect my life that much.  NOT! 

Every little decision made has a grand impact on how life plays out.  I remember this every day now.  Every little thought, idea, choice… it all matters.

While the program is based on US government’s national dietary guidelines, it appears to have many shortcomings.  For example, artificially added nutrients count as healthy choices which means that a cereal like Froot Loops qualifies for the Smart Choices label because it can be said that Froot Loops are a better choice than a donut for breakfast.  Froot Loops also meets the industry’s criteria for essential vitamins and minerals (even though they are artificially added nutrients) and fiber.  They also do not exceed the recommended amounts of fat, sodium, and sugar.  That said, Froot Loops are 41% sugar by weight… that is more than most cookies.

Are you kidding me???

So as Michael Jacobsen of director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest stated, “You could start out with some sawdust, add calcium or Vitamin A and meet the criteria,”

And there is no unbiased 3^rd party deciding who gets to use the Smart Choices labeling.  The companies that participate in the program pay up to $100,000 per year to the program, based on the sales of the items that carry the label.  These same companies also have members on the Smart Choices board.

So, now you know.  You have some information.  Do some more research and make your own intelligent choices.  I know for myself, if I can identify an ingredient in nature, then it’s more likely a smarter choice.  When was the last time you saw a canola plant?  But that’s another blog for another day.

What if we went back on purpose?

Can you really go back?  Probably not actually, but symbolically, hmmm…maybe. 

OK, time to fess up.  I started this entry a few months ago… June to be exact, at a time when I was physically taking a trip back to a place where I had started one life journey over 20 years ago… this time, starting a new journey.  I never finished the story, so on my desktop it sat these two-plus months.  Now, having gone on another journey last week, I find myself moving forward again… though I don’t know if I’m going back in order to do it this time.  Who knows?  Time and space are all relative anyway, right?

So on to my journey.  Starting a new life.  This year has been a whirlwind of endings and new beginnings… on so many different levels.  (and if you’re reading this now with a huge grin on your face, then you know parts of me and my journey all too well and you just need to stop that NOW!)

I love new beginnings, I just don’t always love the endings that often precede.  I like new and shiny things… but there is something to be said for the familiar and comfortable.  So which is it?  Both I guess.  Sometimes you have to look forward knowing that you will never regret anything along the way.  Take love for example.  Honestly, not a very familiar feeling for me, but it is what it is.  Loving, or at least falling in love, is risky.  OK, fine, it’s terrifying!  But do I not take that risk because of the risk of pain and heartbreak?  Not a chance.  Bring it on, baby!  I’ve learned that the “feeling” is what it’s all about.  Give that up??  Ha! I’ll take it.  Even the heartbreak.  The way I see it, if the heartbreak is that devastating, the love leading up to it must have been ten times as powerful.  We need to look back and feel that love in order to work through the pain and move forward to more new things.

So, going back to move forward.  Yup, that’s it, on so many levels.

So don’t get me wrong, I have no beef against vegetarians (pun intended).  I respect their life choices as I hope they respect mine.  That said, I do have a few questions.  Why, if you wouldn’t eat a chicken would you want to eat “fake chicken”?  I mean, honestly…quorn??  It contains “mycoprotein” which supposedly makes the fake chicken as nutritious as real chicken!  It’s not soy, it’s not TVP (Textured Vegetable Protein, mmm, that sounds yummy too!) so what the heck is it?  It’s claimed to be mushroom, but if you look closer…it’s not what you think.  Here’s an excerpt from the quorn website (www.quorn.com)

“The mycoprotein organism that is used in all Quorn™ products does grow naturally, but we simply grow it under controlled conditions so that we can bring you a large variety of high-quality Quorn products”.  Hmmm…so rather than keeping it natural, we want to (once again) try to control Mother Nature (sorry, folks…always a bad idea!) 

And another excerpt, “Only Quorn™ products contain this special vegetarian protein ingredient, and our expert chefs have many years of experience in using mycoprotein as an ingredient and turning it into our deliciously tasty and convenient line of ingredient products, grillable items and classic chicken-style products that we’ve become famous for.”  So, nobody else is using this ingredient…why?  And what the heck is a “chicken-style product”? 

And one last quote from the quorn website, “How We Manufacture Quorn Products: The benefits of mycoprotein as a major ingredient in meat alternative products derive from the shape and size of the hyphae. It is not via any solution properties, since mycoprotein is not soluble nor does it give rise to any soluble components. This is the result of the heat treatment experienced during the RNA reduction process, which renders the protein component insoluble.

Because the harvested hyphae have a similar morphology to animal muscle cells-(i.e., they are filamentous with a high length/diameter ratio) the manufacturing process seeks to reproduce the structural organization which exists in natural meats. In meats, muscle cells are “held together” by connective tissue; to establish a similar product texture with mycoprotein, the hyphae are mixed with binders, flavorings, and other ingredients depending on final product format, formed into the required shape and size by the appropriate processing equipment, and then heated, which causes the protein binder to gel and thereby “bind” the hyphae together. This process is illustrated on this page. The resulting structures are similar to those in meat products, and they also break down in the mouth during chewing in a manner similar to meat products, which accounts for their similar textural properties.” 

OK, for starters, the title “How We Manufacture…”.  Ummm…manufactured food???  That sounds really vegetarian and healthy to me…NOT!  And did you understand any of that, other than the fact that whatever quorn is, it feels like chicken when you’re chewing it. 

Again, I ask the question, if you choose to be a vegetarian, why pretend that you’re not?  Why not just learn how to cook with vegetables, fruits, legumes, and grains rather than pretending to eat something that you’re not really eating?   Two of the most elusive nutrients in a vegetarian diet are protein and calcium, but you may be surprised where you will find them and how easy it is to keep a well-rounded diet without the manufactured stuff.  And don’t get me started on processed foods!  That’s a whole other rant, but not for today.

Looking for protein?  Try kidney beans, lentils, as well as a variety of other beans and legumes.  How about some grain sources of protein like barley, brown rice, oatmeal or wheat germ?  Did you know you could get protein from fruit?  Apples, bananas, melons, and strawberries are just a few that contain protein.  And of course, nuts are famous for their protein content. Looking for calcium?  How about those leafy greens and crucifers (ok, that’s like spinach and broccoli for the uninitiated).   Dried fruits, especially figs, are high in calcium as are many whole grains and legumes.  Four dried figs have 168 mg of calcium! And of course, dairy products (unless you’re vegan).  Are you seeing the pattern here?  Eating whole, natural foods gives you well rounded nutrition without supplements or (gasp!) manufactured nutrients.  A small portion of stir-fried kale and fermented tofu provides about 250 mg of calcium (about 25% of your daily need) as well as over 10 g of protein.

So, if you’re going to eat tofu, eat tofu.  If you’re going to eat mushrooms, eat mushrooms.  Don’t make them look or taste like chicken.  They’re not.  If you want to taste chicken, then suck it up and eat a real, grain-fed, free-range chicken and enjoy every juicy morsel of it.

My decisions are my own.  They don’t always conform to what others believe.  A good friend reminded me recently that what others think is not my concern (of course, those weren’t the exact words…I think it was something more like “screw them!”)  I am learning that I have to do what’s right for me.  If I can’t be me, who can I be?  A wonderful placard reads, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken”.  I need that hung above my desk (and in my kitchen, and by my bathroom mirror…)

I spent many years of my life being someone else for everyone else.  Damn that sucked!  Rediscovering the wild, irreverent, seductive, smart, and absolutely fabulous me is what it’s all about these days.  I have no idea where this will take me…and that’s half the fun.  Will I be a success?  I already am.  As long as I’m being me I can’t help but be successful. 

As difficult, scary, and uncertain the future is right now, I’m now ready for it.  Bring it on!

Going deep inside yourself can be a scary proposition.  We’ve become used to the masks we wear…so used to them, in fact that we don’t even realize we are wearing them.  We muddle through life with the defenses up, the masks on, and the rose-colored glasses filtering everything for us.  What’s behind the mask?  What are we defending against?  And what would the world look like if we saw it clearly, for what it is?

We think we are defending against “them”.  You know, the ones who irritate us, offend us, and are out to do us (and the world) harm.  What if “they” were simply a reflection of you?  What if what you saw in others was really a reflection of a shadow of yourself?  Damn, I’d put on some rose-colored glasses too!  What we fear most in ourselves is what we can see most clearly in others.  Hmmm…how does that feel?  What if every time you judged someone else for something, you turned it around on yourself? 

We’ve just crossed the first of the three spring power days, Imbolc or Candlemas.  Spring is about renewal and rebirth.  It’s time to banish winter and its cold darkness.  Light candles and allow the flames to burn off the illusions and light the way.  When we see ourselves in the light, we can truly see ourselves.  Look at others as a mirror rather than a wall.  Scary?  Yeah.  But so worth it. When you come back to yourself (and realize that it really is all about you) you can move forward into all that you want your life to be.

What I have found over the years is that this practice of “doing it right” has given me the knowledge and wisdom to be perfectly comfortable “making it up”.

For example, recipes tell you how to make a gourmet meal “the right way” so that it’s delicious, nurtitious, and looks pretty on a plate.  Having the right spices in the proper amounts can make or break a dish.  Having followed the rules for so long, I learned a thing or two about substitutions, complementary blends, cooking times, and even short cuts. 

Case in point: we’ve had a few snow and ice storms lately – neither of which put me in the mood for either shopping or cooking, yet I still have a hungry family to feed (and PB&J just won’t cut it with this crowd).  This past Friday I was out all day, then had to bring the kids to an event at 3:30.  I decided to take advantage of this time and go to the gym myself.  I got home at 4:30, they were due home at 5:30 and dinner was nowhere in sight.  In the fridge was some leftover beef stew (no, not that again!), some chicken thighs, and some veges.  Well, that would have to do.  I knew I had a recipe for lemon chicken around here somewhere (though I’ve never made it, didn’t know where the recipe was, and currently have no lemons in the house).   Oh, but there were some limes.  And some zucchini, and some mushrooms, onions and garlic (those always go well together).  OK, into a pan with some vege broth went the chicken, and into a pot of boiling water went some noodles.  That could cook while I was checking my email.  Thirty minutes later here come the troops.  Chop up some veges and throw them into the pan with the chicken.  Squeeze some lime juice into the pan.  Grind some pepper and voila!  Instant gourmet meal. 

I have to say it smelled pretty good, but I’d had a headache all afternoon so went upstairs to rest while they ate.  I never did get around to asking how they liked it, but the entire pan was eaten by the time I made it back downstairs.

This applies to other areas of life as well.  If you have knowledge of a general framework or a basic idea of probabilities, you can feel really comfortable about and have fun with “making things up”, instead of being worried about “will this work and will I lose everything in the process”.

So, to all you analytically organized list-makers out there – you do have the power to wing-it, to be flexible, to go with the flow…and actually have your spur of the moment ideas work out pretty darn well.

This year, I challenge you to step into the new year consciously.

When you host an event, you set the stage.  There is often a theme, whether it’s a birthday party (celebration) or a wake (mourning, or celebration depending on your culture).  Have you thought lately about your life’s theme?

Does each week start with dread at the coming Monday (gee, what a theme to set for the week).  Does each passing birthday come with denial of growing older and closer to death  (hmmm…how about wiser and better equipped?)

So, again, I challenge you to set the theme for your new year by setting your intention. 

 Is your theme this year good health?  Maybe getting up and doing stretching and exercise will set the stage for your year to come.

Is your theme personal or spiritual growth?  Maybe you’ll get up and spend the day reading a new book or in meditation or journaling.

Is your theme this year family?  Maybe you’ll greet each family member with a hug and an ‘I love you’ before setting out for a special day together.

Maybe you just want pure joy and enjoyment so you’ll wake up and have the best cup of coffee ever and drink it listening to your favorite music, savoring every last drop.

Whatever you want this year to bring, set the stage from the very beginning.  This is not about ‘resolutions’.  This is not about ‘shoulds’.  This is about consciously setting the stage for the new cycle that we celebrate with the turning of the calendar.

So, I challenge you, and if you’d like to share your conscious intention for 2009, please share your reply below.